I spent the majority of my life going to church every Sunday and taking CCD classes during the school year. When I went off to college, I became an Easter and Christmas church goer. Within two years, even that disappeared... while a sense of guilt grew. Shortly after the idea of church and God faded, I met Matt and Shanna- the "Christian College" kids (co-workers at Old Navy). Matt started inviting me to church- it intrigued me... they enjoyed going to church? they felt close to God? So I started going with them.
For a good two years, God began breaking down the walls of my heart and showing me more about Jesus. I found so much head knowledge of Christianity. Although I met a lot of great people, and read my bible frequently, I felt unfulfilled. I constantly questioned whether I would truly go to heaven. Even after praying the "prayer" over and over... I was not assured of my salvation.
In the spring of 2003, a life of freedom began. I went on a spring break trip with a Campus Crusade group on my campus. During the first day there I saw all of these college students in love with Jesus. I remember sitting in on conversations, just listening to the excitement people felt for God. It blew my mind. One of the girls on the trip asked me a question about what Jesus had done to change me... I remember sitting there. It was then I realized that I did not have a personal relationship with Jesus. Even though I went to church every Sunday and did "good" things, I was not connected to God.
That afternoon, during one of the meetings, they played a portion of the Jesus film. I remember sitting there with tears running down my face. That was it. Jesus really did that. He suffered. He took the beating of those men, allowed them to pierce his hands with nails, and still asked for those men to be forgiven.
That night, I went out to my car. I sat out there for hours, just thinking about everything that happened that day. I saw that God was not just the judge, but a loving father as well. I saw God cares enough about me, to have a personal relationship with me, through His Son, Jesus. That night, it was not praying the prayer that I had been praying for 2 years... instead, the Lord finally took the blinders off my eyes and allowed me to truly commit my life to Him. Ever since then, I have been a changed person. I've most certainly had my ups and downs, but everything I have been through has made me stronger and led me to call upon the Lord for strength. James 1:2-4 Signifies why I give praise in times of trial.
